Don't Question the Rule
by Eros the Summoner
Summary: A little comical one shot about the internet's most famous Rule, and Caitlyn's case into if it's actually legal. Believe it or not I got away with a rule 34 story without any actual sex, however there is naked women... It's pretty soft core so I'm going with T, but if you guys think I should bump it up, I'll do so.


**Alright, alright, let me explain this a bit better. I do not condone porn of League of Legends, I mean, I freaking look at it. I just always found it odd that... These warrior, badass women who kill people without much thought just... Act like complete whores thanks to internet pictures. Like, I hate Battle Bunny Riven, knowing everything we know from Riven's lore and how she deals with battle, loss and death, what in hell would make you think she dresses like a play boy bunny? It's my opinion and this is not a story to take seriously, enjoy or hate it, I had fun writing it. **

Caitlyn walked into her office and fell into her chair within seconds. She was exhausted from the night before, sleep was a luxury she had not experienced in a day or two. She happily cuddled up on her desk and rested her eyes for as long as she could, how long she didn't know, but any sleep would have been a gift from the Gods themselves. As she shifted her head into a comfortable position in her arms, she felt her hand brush upon a piece of paper, one that was not there the last time she was able to sit down. It was more than likely a crime report or some equivalent, so with all the strength she had, she opened her eyes and sat up. She mindlessly picked up the paper and held it to her face, and what it contained was enough to slam it back on her desk and stand out of her chair with great haste. "Vi!" She shouted at her partner. She got nothing in response and Caitlyn simply walked down to her office. "Vi," Her ex criminal partner was currently asleep on her desk, which Caitlyn couldn't blame her for, but that didn't change the matter that she was furious about the paper. "Vi wake up,"

"What!" Vi sat up with a little drool on her lip. She wiped it away and looked around for a moment before her eyes rested on Caitlyn. "What's up Cupcake?"

"Please, I have asked you to refrain from calling me that,"

"And I told you I'd do it until you go on a date with me," Caitlyn sighed at this notion.

"Regardless, I wanted to return your latest practical joke, it was rather successful in shocking me."

"Uh… Which one?"

"The one where you leave a vulgar drawing of us and Jayce on my desk"

"What?" Vi looked genuinely confused by what she was saying. "That's messed up Cupcake,"

"I agree, I thought you drew it,"

"Shit no, I can't draw, my fists are only good for punching."

"That is… Concerning then, someone left such a drawing on my desk, despite being a well done drawing, I despise the content…"

"To the streets!" Vi announced and stood from her chair.

"I don't believe that is necessary,"

"Cupcake if somebody is drawing me naked without my permission there's no way you can deny me the right to slam their head into the ground."

"…I see your point… I will grab my hat,"

"Grab the picture too! Maybe we can find a match,"

The two set off into the streets of Piltover, not really sure what they were looking for. They interviewed resident artists, foreign collectors, aristocrats, League officials, anyone who might know something about an artist who did not require a model in order to paint so well. All the artists they talked to said the drawing must have been the work of a master artist, the colors, facial features, everything was correct, as if they had a model to do it just the way they needed, but there was no way a model could have been present, Caitlyn did not recall posing naked for anyone, especially not with Vi or Jayce. It was a case worthy of looking into, invasion of privacy on the highest level.

"Maybe we got mind controlled in our sleep, hypnotized or something." Vi said as they walked down another street.

"Do you truly believe that?"

"No… I just… Who the hell can draw this good? And is this perverted? Like I'd ever be naked with Jayce around…"

"I'd prefer neither of you to be around when I am naked."

"You'll come around Cupcake, mark my words."

"Vi! Caitlyn!" Jayce's voice came and they both saw the man standing in the market district. "On a hot case?"

"Truer words could not be spoken of it…" Caitlyn said in a somewhat growl which Jayce only met with a confused look. "Yes, we are indeed, tell me, do you know any artist who do not require a model to paint people accurately?"

"Uh…" Jayce placed a figure to his chin. "I don't think so, why?"

"A very concerning picture was left on my desk, I intend to find its artist."

"A murder in art?" Jayce guessed.

"If only…" Caitlyn sighed.

"Can I see it?"

"No!" Vi and Caitlyn said in unison and Jayce laughed a little.

"Well, now I must see it,"

"It…" Vi began and finished her sentence in Jayce's ear, Caitlyn watched as his eyes grew progressively wider and his jaw slowly dropped. Vi pulled away with an unhappy look, but she seemed victorious in some regard. "Yeah,"

"How dare they…" Jayce said and clutched his fist.

"Why are you offended? No offense, but don't you have two women swooning over your manhood in this?"

"I am a gentleman Caitlyn, the idea of having two women in bed with me would tarnish my lover status into that of a player," This didn't really resonate with either Vi or Caitlyn but help was always appreciated if he was offering.

"There was an art merchant who recently arrived from Zaun, saying he has art no one has ever seen before."

"Yes, we saw him, Vi punched him a few times, I do not believe we are welcome there anymore."

"I didn't trust him facial hair," Vi shrugged.

"Well, I am" Jayce pointed out. "Maybe there's something you two missed." The three walked down the market place of Piltover, foods, silks and technological advancements were all being sold here but art was something a bit harder to find. They spied the man Jayce had mentioned, his eye still black from his encounter with Vi, but to be fair he did look very shady. "Hm…" Jayce thought for a moment. "Hey buddy," He pulled a random civilian close to him. "Care to help your law enforcers today?"

"Uh…" The man began but Jayce quickly cut him off.

"Great, see that vendor over there? Go ask to see his 'special' merchandise." And Jayce pushed the man towards the vendor.

"Jayce, what the hell are you thinking?" Caitlyn scolded him.

"It's a hunch, have a little faith." They watched as Jayce's recruit spoke to the man, and after a brief discussion, the man cautiously looked around and opened a secret compartment in his art cart and began showing picture to the man.

"Sir!" Caitlyn stood with her gun trained on the art vendor. "Do not move, or I will shoot,"

"Yeah! Or I'll punch your lights out again!" Vi rushed over and tackled the man to the ground, which led Caitlyn to face palm at the unprofessionalism.

"Good work team," Jayce smiled and picked up the art pieces the vendor was showing off. "I have naked pictures here," he reported, he shifted through a few before turning his head from the entire stack. "And not all of them are women…"

"Champions?" Caitlyn asked.

"Every single one,"

"Who gave these to you!?" Vi asked the man underneath her fist and he responded by spitting at her. "Oh I love it when they think their tough." She smiled and struck his face twice, the bruising was instantly visible. "Talk tough guy!"

"Vi, please," Caitlyn placed a hand on her shoulder. With a reluctant sigh, Vi got up and stood behind her partner. Caitlyn helped the man up and placed her coughs on his hands.

Back at the precinct, Caitlyn had the man sitting in an interrogation cell, mainly for his protection from Vi, hoping he'd cooperate eventually. She watched the man, the way he breathed, how he held himself, clearly he was not the man behind this piece of art, but he was a scoundrel. Overweight, short curly hair, a scruffy beard, the exact type of person one would imagine to be a criminal. "I wanna punch him…" Vi stared into the cell.

"I know," Was all Caitlyn gave back, "But why don't I try first," She unlocked the cell and entered with the man.

"Please… Please don't let Vi back in here," He breathed heavily, like she had broken a rib or two.

"I may have to if you don't cooperate."

"I don't know where the pictures drawings came from I swear!"

"Do you truly expect me to believe they just landed on your door step?"

"They did, a lot of rich people pay a lot of money to see champions being dirty, they don't really check whether they're real or not."

"Well this," Caitlyn held out the picture left on her desk. "Is an offensive into my privacy and falsely portraying me as something I am not."

"I know, I know and I'm sorry that you had to see it."

"Just like it poorly portrays Ashe, and Shyvana and Lux, all these champions are being insulted by such artwork."

"I know,"

"So if you help me, I can't rightfully arrest you because arresting the seller doesn't really deal with the source, I just need you to tell me where you got these." The man looked at his options, his eyes moving everywhere but Caitlyn, he just wanted to leave the room, his sweat indicated as much.

"A Yordle…" He began but stopped, as if waiting for Caitlyn to acknowledge him.

"Go on,"

"He showed up two months ago, saying he could make me rich, all I had to do was sell these pictures to anyone who asked for the, but that's all I know! I don't know where he came from or if he paints them, I don't know I swear!"

"…It's a start," Caitlyn stood. "I'll keep you detained for the day, but you're free to go by the end." She left the room and walked back to Vi.

"You're so hot when you interrogate ass hats."

"Pack your bag, we're going to Bandle."

Tristana looked around the pub for a moment before she spied Teemo sitting quietly in a corner booth and took a seat in front of him.

"Sorry, I got held up by some idiot,"

"What kind of idiot?"

"The kind who thinks I'm impressed by flowers and poetry."

"Damn, I was so going to try and bribe you to pay for this meal with those exact things,"

"Well, you could pull it off,"

"Really?"

"Of course not, but I would be interested in hearing your poetry"

"Hey Tristana!" A Yordle from across the pub shouted and caught both of the Yordles attention. "Hey does Annie's pussy taste?"

"Excuse me?"

"I think you should apologize," Teemo stood from the booth.

"No, no, it's okay, it's okay I got the art in my room, my brother got me all hooked up, that girl right there is a slut and I'm willing to pay big bucks for her to suck my dick,"

Caitlyn looked around Bandle, she wasn't sure what she was looking for, but hopefully whatever it was, it would just… Pop out at her.

"Aw, look at how small all these buildings are!" Vi cued. "It's like a gigantic doll house!"

"Vi, please, stay focused, we need to-"

"Apologize!" A familiar voice rang through the streets.

"Sounds like Teemo," Vi commented and looked to Caitlyn for direction.

"This way," She ordered and led Vi down a street corner or two until they came to the scene of several Yordles gathered around Teemo and another Yordle who was clearly intoxicated.

"Hey, I'm not going to apologize for the truth, your girl's a slut" The drunken Yordle pointed to Tristana and Teemo responded with a quick punch into the Yordle's gut. Caitlyn took a step to intervene but Vi grabbed her hand.

"This could be the cutest beat down we'll ever see, I wanna watch," Caitlyn gave her an impatient look. "Come on Cupcake, please?" She hated when Vi begged, mostly because she was powerless against it and ceased her movements towards the Yordle brawl. "booyah! You're the best."

"I'm well aware of that."

"I'm telling you, my brother has Trist and that Annie chick eating each other out! He got them to model for him while he painted it!" Teemo delivered a kick to the Yordle's face. "I'm not the bad guy here."

"Teemo I swear I never did anything with Annie," Tristana spoke up.

"I know, he's just drunk off his ass…"

"Still, I'm enjoying watching you kick his ass,"

"Anything for you,"

"Did you hear that?" Vi turned to Caitlyn.

"Yes, it appears this drunken fool is a brother to the man we need,"

"Hey Teemo!" Vi called to them and all the Yordles in the crowd turned.

"Oh… Sorry Officers, I know I should've reported sexual abuse to the law but…"

"What? No that was awesome," Vi squatted to be on eye level with him. "We just wanted to talk to your new friend here as well."

"You wanna take a swing at him?"

"I would, but right now he has information we need." Vi picked up the little Yordle, "You're coming with me little guy,"

"Hey! Lemme go!" He squirmed in her arms to no avail. Vi held him up to Caitlyn, as if she was presenting a child. "

""Now, why don't you tell us where your brother does his 'artwork?" And all the Yordle could do in response was gulp.

Vi stared down at the directions they had extracted from the Yordle. Apparently, this guy's brother was responsible for most of this artwork, but how many pieces could one Yordle possibly produce? The more disturbing question on Caitlyn's mind was how accurate each portrait was, as if he truly had these champions sit in with him for hours at a time to get these images. His brother had stacks of his artwork in his home, most of the pictures were of Lulu, a very over sexualized Lulu, which was disturbing in its own right. Whoever this artist was, he was wasting his talent and Caitlyn was eager to put an end to this crime.

"Here it is," Vi looked at the building, it was a very elaborate building, a mansion by both Yordle and human standards. A fountain in the front and shining gates stood in their path to the door. Golden statues decorated the gardens leading up to the mansion, all of them regarding naked women, neither women could say they were surprised. As they approached the doors, Vi punched her mechanized hands together and Caitlyn removed her rifle from its sling. Quickly opening and entering, they examined the interior which held portraits of very dignified looking Yordles and an elaborate rug running across the hallway. At the center of the entrance was a sign with a lit candle next to it.

"When candle is lit; studios are in progress, please be quiet." Vi and Caitlyn looked at each, confused by what this meant when a funny looking Yordle hobbled down a grand stair case and walked right to the table where the candle was.

"Excuse me, sir" Caitlyn tried but the Yordle only licked his fingers and doused the candle. After that, a bell rang and all the doors opened, spewing fourth women from every door that all bore resemblance to one champion or other. They were all dressed in underwear or robes, some wore nothing at all, and they all filled into different rooms, each listed with a number and letter except for one that was labeled "Break room."

"Hey!" A Yordle shouted at Caitlyn. "I need you two an hour ago! Where the hell have you been?"

"Uh, we're not who you think we are,"

"The hell you aren't! Get out of your clothes and into room 113C in ten minutes!" Caitlyn looked at Vi who was wearing a stupid grin, which she guessed what she was thinking.

"You're not seeing me naked," Caitlyn said firmly.

"Damnit…"

"Come on, we have to find out who's in charge here,"

"Let's ask the lovely ladies in the break room," Vi pointed and was quickly ran to the door.

"Truly, if you were any less professional I'd assume you were one of the girls who work here…"

"Flattery won't get you anywhere Cupcake." She opened the door for Caitlyn and quickly followed in. The room was full of women, all of them bared an uncanny likeness to a champion.

"This is revolting…" Caitlyn commented, looking around.

"Oh hell," Someone spoke up. Caitlyn looked where it came from to see a woman who had a striking resemblance to herself. Her cheeks, her eyes, her hair length, everything from her temple to her toes seemed to resemble her. "Did they seriously get another Caitlyn model? Shit, we already have three, I can't spilt my pay three ways!"

"Sorry miss that's the real Caitlyn," Vi introduce, "Now, if you don't want that pretty face of yours ruined for the next week and a half you should probably tell us where your boss is."

"Mr. P?" She asked as if Vi had asked what color the sky was.

"Uh… Sure, where's he?"

"Top floor, far door on the right,"

"Oh… That was easy," Vi said a little disappointed she didn't get to hit anything.

"Hey when you have this much work done on your face, you can't afford to have it smashed by some weird lesbian chick."

"I am not weird!"

"Let's just get moving…" Caitlyn pulled Vi by the shirt collar out of the room and they made their way up the stairs.

"Did you see that Jinx model?" Vi snickered.

"Oh yes, they're kidding themselves if they think Jinx has that big of breasts."

"I know!" The stairs seemed to be unending, floor after floor they climbed, the same tacky carpet on every floor. Eventually, they reached what seemed to be the final floor, there was only a single hallway and they examined both ends to see which way. "Well, the you model said right, so I'm going right." Vi declared and ran down the hallway.

"Vi wait!" Caitlyn chased after her as she opened the final door.

Inside was a very dignified looking Yordle, a mustache growing from his moth and his hair finely cut, he wore a very classy suit and a monocle as he scribbled words onto sheets of paper in front of him.

"Damn… He is classy," Vi said as they approached his desk.

"Hell ladies, looking for jobs? I could always use more Vi and Caitlyn models, they are in short supply, I personally think people are afraid to pose as Vi."

"They damn well better be!"

"Vi please," Caitlyn placed a hand on her shoulder. "Sir I'm the actual Caitlyn." She showed him her badge of office. "Piltover law enforcement, I'm placing you under arrest."

"Oh my, under what charge?"

"Gross invasion of privacy, and child pornography"

"Yeah, an Annie model? Seriously?"

"Hm… I'm afraid you have no case there Sheriff." Which Caitlyn only responded with a raised eyebrow, "Tell me, did you actually read any of the disclaimers the Institute of War put forth in order to join the League of Legends?"

"Yes," Caitlyn responded. "Well… I glanced over the larger portions,"

"Ah, but what you didn't know is that I used to be on the League's summoner comity, with a lot of bribery and personal favors I was able to include a very small amendment to the 34th rule of Champion public image." And the Yordle pulled a very large document out of his desk. "Let's see…" He ran his figure down the words. "Ah yes, here it is, and I quote: Each Champion hereby surrenders their right to do away with any incriminating or private portraits, any item they deem personal or part of their privacy will not be affected by the champion's preference."

"So in other words…" Caitlyn spoke.

"You have rights to my boobs?" Vi finished.

"Not yours, Ms. Vi, I am not in the business of making champions into porn stars, only their likeness, I can print any image I desire of you or any of your fellow champions, including Annie, I have done nothing wrong, here is the contract." The Yordle handed the paper to Caitlyn who looked it over with a fine toothed comb.

"Wait, if none of this is illegal, why keep it a secret?" Vi spoke up.

"My dear Vi, we are selling pornographic images, I am not about to request the town crier's aid."

"Oh…"

"This is legal…" Caitlyn said in defeat.

"Excellent, then may I give you a tour? It is not often I receive visitors to my establishment."

"…" Caitlyn simply looked uneasy.

"Sure, why not." Vi answered for them.

"Splendid, follow me." The Yordle hopped off his chair. "My name is Wells Pumpernickel, my family has been an aristocratic family in Bandle society since before the second great Rune war," He led them outside and into an elevator back down to the first floor.

"Impressive," Caitlyn remarked looking at the portraits on the wall.

"Indeed, unfortunately my idiotic brother wasted most of my family's money on alcohol when my parents died, I was serving on the League's comity then, but quit after my rule was passed. I saw how beautiful these champions were, the people were in awe of each of them, but I knew that no champion would ever really fall for a commoner, so that's where this plan originated. Today, business is booming, I have eighty nine art vendors selling my artwork throughout all of Valoran, and I get request letters daily." The elevator doors swung open and Mr. P led them into the first door he came across. "This is our magical augmentation room." Vi and Caitlyn looked at a lineup of women and the sorcerer's in front of them. "Here, we take a fine young lady who has a likeness to a champion and mold her to be perfect," He stopped in front one sorcerer who was working on a pale girl with short, white hair. With each stroke of his magic, the man molded the girl's face closer and closer to that of Sejuani until she was just right.

"Gods…" Caitlyn remarked. "You can do this with anyone?"

"Well no," Mr. P continued through the room. "They must have a good base to start with, then they can mold them closer and closer to when we're looking for. Sometime we'll have cases like this," He stopped at a blonde girl whose face was familiar, but it was clearly not Lux. "This is a feminine version of Ezreal, a popular among young men for whatever reason."

"Gross," Vi commented as Mr. P continued out of the room.

"From there," He climbed the first set of stairs and into a nearby room. "We look at what creative positions we can put them in, let's see what's in this one," Mr. P looked behind a curtain. "Ah, a Riven and Zac shoot," He pulled his head out. "Can I interest you in a particular viewing session?"

"How about one a lot less weird than Riven getting fucked by Zac…" Vi offered with an uncomfortable look. Mr. P searched around the other rooms on the second floor.

"Ah, here is a Tryndamere and Ashe, nice and simply,"

"I suppose that's as good as we can get," Caitlyn grumbled.

"Cupcake you don't appear to be enjoying this,"

"I'm not."

"Well, let's enter shall we?" Mr. P opened the door with Vi and Caitlyn following. He lifted the curtain to the session, and found a seat in the back to watch. "We find a pose we like then use a time displacement spell to keep them like that as long as are artist need to work,"

"Whoa!" Vi said as soon as she entered and covered her eyes. "Not cool,"

"Oh, apologize, I assumed Tryndamere would be entering Ashe… Guess it's wrong to assume sometimes, let us move on then."

"Please…" Caitlyn said shielding her eyes from the scene. Mr. P led them to the third floor, and happily opened the first door he found.

"Now, this is our really exciting part… Distribution!" Which was meant by a simultaneous grown from both Vi and Caitlyn. It would be another two hours before the two got out of the palace of sex, and it was the longest two hours of Caitlyn's life. Mr. P was very polite, but became the most annoying being on the planet after bout thirty minutes of him talking. By the time they had gotten out, neither one was very excited for the train ride back to Piltover, but they did it, and they got home.

More exhausted than ever, Caitlyn came into her office and collapsed into her seat, wanting nothing more than to just sleep for a moment or two. "Vi… Do we have any reports?" No response came. "Damnit, Vi, are you asleep again?" She stood up and went back to Vi's office. She entered to see Vi intensely staring at a piece of paper with a cheery smile on her face. "Vi?"

"Hm?" She raised one eye to see Caitlyn. "Oh damn," She stashed the paper in her desk. "What's up Cupcake?"

"What were you just looking at?"

"Nothing,"

"Yes you were… Did you… Did you take one of those paintings from that horrible place?"

"No!" She stated. "Well… Maybe one…"

"Vi, let me see it,"

"Come on, then you'll make me get rid of it!"

"It's of me, isn't it?" Which was met with silence. "Damnit Vi…"

"Well I wouldn't need it if you'd just have sex with me already!"

"Huh…" Caitlyn buried her face in her hand. "My house, in an hour, if you're late you get nothing."

"Wait, you mean it?"

"Yes! Now I'm going home before I change my mind, and I want that picture gone by the time you get there."

"You bet Cupcake!"

"This does not mean we are together."

"I can live with that,"


End file.
